I haven't written anything in a long time so this isn't my best. I'm a little rusty but please crit it your hardest anyways.
My life is
Like a thousand piece puzzle
Every day with
Themes that never stay
The same.
Sometimes the colors are
Dark and the picture violent
While other times,
Bright and peaceful.
On occasion,
All the pieces are there,
And they fit.
It seems as if
Most times I have
Lost pieces to
My life;
Those are the things
I've purposely forgotten
That were best to forget.
Then some days,
My puzzle has too many
Pieces,
Pieces from the past that
Refuse to leave me
Alone,
The past that
Haunts my dreams.
At times I think
I've begun to process of
Puting things together,
But soon realize my
Mistake of using the
Wrong piece.
I have to start over.
Slowly,
I begin to pull apart the
Pieces,
Careful of the frame
That is correct,
But sometimes the
Wrong piece wants to stay.
I throw it aside,
Out of my way,
Knowing it will return to
Torture me.
The picture that I'm
Trying to make is
Sometimes too diffficult to
Complete so it is placed
Aside with the others
I've given up on,
Hopefully,
To soon be forgotten.
The titles of the puzzles
Change as well,
Though,
They tend to
Repeat themselves,
Like today's.
Yesterday it was
St. Mercy Hospital with
Needles on the cover,
Yet today,
You will find
Pain with tears of
Agony.
The colors are
Getting darker as the
Days go on,
Though,
I'm trying to look toward
The positive things in my
Puzzle, but I'm not
Giving up.
To some it may
Look like I'm
Giving into the misery of
The extra pieces
Building up around the
Table I've been sitting at
My entire life,
But,
No,
I'm looking for that
Day when the pieces of the
Thousand Piece Puzzle
Finally,
Fit again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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LOL! Nice P.S. Thanks for the crit!
It felt as if while reading it the narrator was panting for breath, as if she was running away from something. Loved that effect. The poem would have benefited if certain parts were excised, simply to make it shorter, because the pant-y effect does drag after a while. So solution: keep pant-y effetc, lose some of the less important partsof the poem.
P.S. I was not referrring to the panties effect, although that might work too.
Thanks Sohini. I hope someday i will finish the puzzle.
Thoughtful-really thoughtful. I liked the metaphor very much nad the way you’ve put things fit in. you missed a ‘t’ in ‘Putting’ in the 30th lineg and isn’t it ‘looking towards’ rather than ‘I'm trying to look toward ‘? I loved this part :
‘My puzzle has too many
Pieces,
Pieces from the past that
Refuse to leave me
Alone,
The past that
Haunts my dreams.’ And this as well :
‘Mistake of using the
Wrong piece.
I have to start over.’ And this too :’ But sometimes the
Wrong piece wants to stay.’
I enjoyed the short lines of this poem written in a unique format. Good job.
Keep trying-you’ll finish your puzzle one day.
Thanks snoik. LOL i didn't think it would make everyone seem like they're in the puzzle. Thanks plutogirl! Yeah i see what you mean by that is how your life is sometimes. I was going to make it instead of they "want to stay" to:
They are glued to the other pieces
That are already in place.
But i think the other choice was better. Thanks for the crit guys!
The lines felt fragmented, but I think that helped you more. Instead of it flowing smoothly, painting a distinct picture, it ended up being jerky -- perfect for a puzzle. So instead of just making the poem about puzzles, we, the readers, felt like we were in the puzzle.
Anyway, I liked it. For being rusty, you're awfully good.
this is really good i couldn't even find any spelling errors
not that i was looking but anyways this was my favorite part of the poem because it relates to how i feel about my life so much of the time. way to go kay 
Thanks for your crit. I can see now what you mean by not flowing.
I really enjoyed reading your poem, Kay Kay. I thought it had a good meaning, and it was also written well. The beginning, though, didn't flow that well. Every thing you've written works fine, I would just suggest you put some words on different lines. Maybe like:
My life is like
a thousand piece puzzle
every day with themes
that never stay the same.
Sometimes the colors
are dark and the picture violent
while other times,
bright and peaceful.
First of all, a very important tip - don't captilize at the start of a line, unless it's starting a new sentance. i think that's how you're supposed to do it - it's easier to read that way, too. even if word may say that it's grammatically incorrect, screw it.
just get rid of the comma. it's not needed, and it's a real block in the ending to have pause there.